Nightwing Buys Life Insurance
by CherryHearts13
Summary: He buys life insurance, what else would it be? This is about the thoughts Nightwing has while filling out the insurance forums. Rated T for swearing. No Flames! READ&REVIEW!
1. Nightwing

**A/N: Ummm... where to even start. Oh yeah! I was reading Harry Potter Fics when I got this idea. The fic is called 'Harry Potter Buys Life Insurance' it's by 'evilrabidplotbunnies'. I PMed her asking for permission to use her idea. I have also never seen actual life insurance forums, so i made this up. Though I'm pretty sure you might actually find some of these questions on one. Some of these questions came from a health survey they made me take at school. Me and my best friend(whom is currently in alot of pain after having her wisdom teeth pulled, and having a blast teasing me that I'm next), had to take two since we had a it of fun with the first ones. Most of the answers are what we actually put on the first surveys. Who says Health class is boring?!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**On with the story…**

**Nightwing Buys Life Insurance**

After shutting off the connection with Martian Manhunter, I realized something. Something extremely terrible. The Earth has been invaded by aliens. Not the nice kind either. You know the 'I wanna save innocent people from the bad guys' or the 'I wanna be friends and feed you burnt cookies,' kind. Nope, not these guys. They are the 'I'm going to experiment on you to see what makes you tick, no matter how painful it may be' kind. Two words: not nice.

The invasion has begun, and with that said there is only one thing left to do(No I don't mean go and train my ass off. I'll do that later.) It's time to buy life insurance. Now now, I'm not saying all hope is lost and I'm going to die. I really hope I don't, I'm to young to die. I am a Bat, and a Bat is always prepared. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go buy me some life insurance.

Ohhh… kay. I am currently situated on my bed in my room at Wayne Manor. Gahh! Why are there so many papers? It's like they want my entire life's story. Where to start, where to start? Oh, I know I'll start with this blue one first. Hello, Dick! You need a pen before you can even start to fill anything out. It's not like I can fill this out using only my finger. I wonder… nahh. Pen, pen, pen? Oh hey, it's my chibi Batman pen. Focus! I'm focused now. Okay, first question.

Name? That's easy! Richard John Grayson. That is G-R-A-Y-S-O-N not G-R-E-Y-S-O-N. You would not believe how many people get that wrong. It's an A not an E! Next!

Age? Ummm… that's a tough one. Last time I checked, which was like four days ago, I was nineteen. So, I'm nineteen. Next!

Height? Five feet, ten inches. Ha, take that Wally! Always made fun of me, 'cause I was short. Who's the short one now? That's right, not me. Next!

Weight? Well… I don't mean to brag or anything, but I'm a hundred and seventy-six pounds of pure muscle. Oh yeah, baby! Next!

Eyes? Blue. No, not baby blue. That's how you describe a girl's eyes. Mine are like a deep ocean blue color. Okay, next!

Hair? Black. Do not refer to me as the raven haired boy. I get enough bird jokes as it is. Next!

Sex? Hell yeah! Oh… wait. Not that kind of sex. I am a male, unless I have been wearing the wrong type of underwear ever since I was potty trained. Next!

Race? Half Romani Gypsy. I'm a gypsy like Shakira, and my hips don't lie. _I'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie, and I'm starting to feel you boy, come on let's go, real slow, don't you see baby asi es perfecto. _I am so taking up belly dancing after this. I'm sure the ladies would love to see me shake my hips all over the place. Next!

Occupation? Student. I am a Sophomore at Gotham University. I also run around as the masked vigilante Nightwing, beating up the bad guys and keeping Gotham safe from the crazies. Next!

Contact information? I'm Dick Grayson, everyone knows where Wayne Manor is, but if you don't then you're lame. Richard Grayson, Wayne Manor, Gotham City, New York. Next! Hey! That was the last question for that page. That one's yellow! I'll do that one next. How fun, a whole page of yes or no questions.

Raised blood pressure? Not that I know of. No. Alfred might though. I think he even has mini heart attacks sometimes when Tim, Bruce, and I get back from a mission or patrols. Next!

Diabetes? Nope! Though with all the candy he eats, I think Wally might get them if he doesn't already have them. Next!

Obesity? Not me. There's a not so slim chance that Wally might be one day. Just sayin'. Next!

Is your life at home or work stressful? Let's see. I am playboy Dick Grayson by day, and masked vigilante by night. What the hell do you think? I have to go to lame charity events with the rich and snooty as one, then I have to lead a team of teenage superheroes as the other. So yes my life is stressful. Next!

Have you ever smoked? Yes, but that is only if you count accidentally inhaling the smoke from my smoke pellets. Next!

Do you still smoke? Yes, I still continue to use my smoke pellets and sometimes it just happens. Next!

If you currently smoke, is giving up something you have ever considered? Heck no! I will never give up my smoke pellets! I can't even imagine life without them, and if I could there would be a lot of pain. *shudders* Next!

Recent health concerns? Are evil aliens that want to experiment on you, considered a health concern? I would have to say yes to that. Next!

Do you consume alcoholic beverages? Shit yeah! How else do you think I would make it through all those charity balls Bruce drags me to. Everyone there is so much more pleasant to be around when your buzzed. Just don't tell Bruce that, but then again I think he knows. I mean he's not the world's greatest detective for nothing. He knows all. Damn it Batman! Next!

Are you currently taking any medications? Yes, my ADHD pills I forgot the name of. Next!

Do you drive a vehicle? Yes. I drive my motorcycle, and then all of Bruce's cars when he's away on business. To the Batmobile! Whoohoooo! Next! Oh that the last of the yes or no questions. 'Please list everything that follows,' okay I can do that.

Any allergies? Well, lets see. Evil aliens, burnt cookies, Wally's running shoes, cinnamon, and some other things I can't remember at the moment. Next!

Reason for purchasing life insurance with us today? Uhh, I am not crazy but… evil aliens have invaded Earth, though no one believes they are evil, and Bats are prepared for anything and everything. Batman even has a book of contingency plans. There's even a plan for when Wally and Uncle Barry come over.

Knock, knock!

"Who is it?" I asked in a high pitched Mexican accent.

"Cut the crap, Dick." Tim said walking into my room.

"Shut up, Tim! I'm buying life insurance! If you know what's good for you, you would do the same!" I shouted from my spot in the center of my bed.

"I already have life insurance. My parents did that whole Gerber Baby Grow Up plan thing." he said while sitting down in front of me.

"Awww, little Timmy's a Gerber Baby." I cooed while pinching my little brother's cheeks.

"Dick, stop it," he whined rubbing his cheeks when I finally let go. Laying down he asked "What insurance company did you sign up with?"

"State Farm!"

**A/N: Okayyy… Yep. I had a bit of fun writing this. Is it good is it bad? Is this even funny at all, or maybe just a little bit funny? Tell me what you think.**

**I apologize to those of you who were expecting another '13 Ways To Annoy,' I just really couldn't think of anything. So sorry.**

**With all that said…**

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**CherryVanilla13**


	2. Artemis

**A/N: Yes sir, I am back. I got thinking and decided to do a chapter for someone who really needs life insurance, and thus this was born. This takes place before Nightwing and Aqualad's plan takes action, the same day Nightwing tells her the plan.**

**Disclaimer: Do I even have to say it.**

**On with the story…**

**Artemis Buys Life Insurance**

I am going to die in about a week. No! I'm not really going to die. Just fake my death. We have it all planed out. When I say we I mean, Aqualad, Nightwing and myself. Apparently Aqualad is close to getting in with The Light and he needs backup. So they voted for me, because everyone will notice if Nightwing dies. Who the hell is he? Never mind that, I'm going to 'die,' and there is only one thing left to do. Buy life insurance. Hey what can you say, I want my mom to be able to mourn in Tahiti(*).

Ok. Now I'm sitting in my apartment eating chocolate ice cream and watching a movie on one of the movie channels. Tangled that seams interesting. I guess I'll just start filling out the forums this now. Oooo, this one's pink! I'll do that one first.

Name? Artemis Crock. Before you even ask, no I do not own a company called Crocs, and no I am not related to the Greek Goddess Artemis. Though that would be pretty awesome. I'd be rich and a demigod. Oh gods, the irony! My name is Artemis and I'm an archer! Seriously dad!

Age? Um.. I'm twenty years old. Oh hey, in about a year I can buy beer! Don't know why I'm excited about something like that, but hey I rhymed! That has to count for something. Maybe not. Ok, whatever.

Height? Uhh… yeah about that. I really don't know how tall I am. Wow, that's just sad Arty. I'm a sad person! *fake cries* Thank the Lord that Wally isn't .here.

Weight? *gasp* How dare you?! You never ask a woman her weight. Shame on you! Its not like I'm ashamed of my weight or anything. You really don't have the chance to get fat when you live with a speedster who eats everything. Poor Iris! She lives with two, Flash and Impulse. Maybe the two of us could do lunch. Oh yeah, I weigh 117 pounds.

Eyes? Grey. Ha, I'm unique! Well that is a rare eye color. Only I have them… ok maybe Jade has them too, and we may or may not get them from our mom. Oh much for being unique.

Hair? Blonde. Long and blonde. Blonde and long. Did I mention LONG?! No I didn't style my hair after Rupunzle, even though she's my favorite princess. It was just a coincidence, that I grew my hair this long. You know what? I am going down to get a hair cut later. So, ha!

Sex? Oh, WALLY! *drools a bit* Whoa! Calm down there girl. Get your mind out of the gutter! Female. I am a female! 100% female. I'll just move on to the next question now…

Race? Half Vietnamese, half Caucasian. Well, that's not something you see everyday. The Vietnamese princess was rescued by the Caucasian prince. It was an assassin love story! Oh, holy llama! I'm the product of an assassin love story! *shudders* Never again am I watching that Disney movie Tangled. Moving on!

Occupation? Student. I am currently attending Stanford University. I'm a retired masked vigilante who is about to rejoin my old team. That's about it nothing exciting going on here. Nope. Nothing at all.

Contact information? Artemis Crock, Stanford University, Palo Alto, California. Well that was an easy one. Oh, that's it for that page! _Oh joy_, yes or no questions.

Raised blood pressure? It's a possibility. My idiot boyfriend/roommate tends to get my blood pumping in more ways than one. One good, really really good, the other not so much. Either way I always end up attacking him. Fun! Ahh! My mind get fell back into the gutter!

Diabetes? I have a speedster as a boyfriend, _what do you think_? I'm just lucky he's not here at the moment to take my tub of chocolate ice cream away form me. Yes, it's a tub not a bowl. I can indulge myself every now and again. Don't judge me!

Obesity? Dose the fact that I live with a speedster mean nothing to you! How can I even gain a pound when the man eats everything? Oh, and did I mention that his younger _speedster _cousin like to visit and spend the night.

Is your life at home or work stressful? Nope, not at all. I mean when someone pisses me off, Wally, I get back at them. Its very relaxing hunting down the annoying people, Wally, with your bow and arrows. But hey, that's just me!

Have you ever smoked? No, I haven't. Not sure if I could say the same thing for my brother-in-law. Just saying.

Do you still smoke? How the hell can I still smoke if I have never smoked in my entire life. No! The answers is no!

If you currently smoke, is giving up something you have ever considered? Yes, yes I have. It's this horrible habit that I have. I need to quite now for the sake of my health. *fake sobs* Haha! Way to go Arty! I could be an actor!

Recent health concerns? None. Oh wait… there is one. My friends are plotting my death as we speak… I mean as I fill out my life insurance forums. Why would I speak to a paper? That's just crazy and mental. Two thing that I am not. Nope! Not crazy, not crazy one bit.

Do you consume alcoholic beverages? What! Me?! _Nooooo_. Unless you count getting a sugar high off of extra sweet tea then yes, if not then no. I think it's a yes. I mean they both make you do and say crazy things, just ask Nightwing.

Are you currently taking any medications? Nope! No meds for crazy lil' Arty here. None what's so ever.

Do you drive a vehicle? Well… you see I had a car. Notice how I said had instead of have. It was a nice car too. Noting to flashy, but hey it got us places that's all that really matter. The moral of the story don't let your idiot speedster boyfriend drive you car, he can and will wreck it.

Any allergies? Cats, gym coaches, bats, birds, gingers, and fishes. Yep that's about it.

Reason for purchasing life insurance with us today? You see I am about to go on an undercover mission, and for that to happen I need to die. I'm not really going to die, just fake my own death with the help of a few friends. Okay… can't put that. They might think I'm crazy, witch I'm not. Oh, know. I'll just put… its always good to be prepared. Oh cool, I'm done. Wait … not done finished. I am not a turkey(*).

"Finally finished," I said as I leaned back onto the couch, stretching a bit and flexing my fingers. Leaning forward I scooped up the forums and placed them into my purse, so I could go drop them off later.

"Hey babe! How was your day?" Wally said as he walked in through the front door, wearing his green snow jacket, and kissing me on the cheek.

"Boring. I just lazed around all day, eating ice cream and watching that Disney movie Tangled. What about you?" I questioned.

"Same old, same old. I'm hungry. Do you want anything?" he asked while picking up the tub of ice cream and spoon, and walking to the kitchen.

"Hmmm. I'm feeling like a turkey sandwich." I told him while I sprawled myself out on the couch.

"Babe, don't worry I talked to Nightwing and he said that you will be safe," he said while poking his head out of the kitchen and looking at me, then going back to whatever it was that he's doing. I smiled.

"I know I'll be safe, I just need to protect myself from mayhem like you."

**A/N: Yep. Is it good is it bad? Is this even funny at all, or maybe just a little bit funny? What was your favorite part?**

**Witch insurance company do you think she signed up with?**

**(*) I was watching a rerun of Roseanne the last night. She was telling Dan to get a good policy because if he ever died she wanted to be able to mourn in Tahiti. That woman cracks me up!**

**(**) Back when I was a Freshmen my business management teacher used to tell us this when we finished our work. We would raise our hands and say that we were done, then he would ask us if we were turkeys. That way, whenever we were finished we would say 'I'm finished' instead of 'I'm done.' Sometimes we would say 'I'm done' jus to hear him call us turkeys.**

**With all that said…**

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**CherryVanilla13**


	3. Red Arrow

**A/N: I was originally writing one for Aqualad. I have no clue where this one even came from. I wasn't even planning on doing one for him, but I did one anyways. **

**Disclaimer: Seriously!**

**On with the story…**

**Red Arrow Buys Life Insurance**

"Do you even know how to dice a tomato?" I questioned from across the bar in the kitchen, staring at Jade while she prepared dinner. She just glared at me. "Your cutting it the wrong way." I told her. Her glare hardened.

"Why don't you cook dinner? I mean, you seem to be an expert at dicing tomatoes." she countered.

"No, the more you practice the better you cooking skills will get." I stated matter of factly.

"Are you saying my cooking skills need improvement!" she yelled.

"Yes…(I think she just growled) no! I mean no!" I replied shaking my head. Oh shit, what did I just get myself into.

"That's what I thought."

"But, there is always room for improvement." Shut up, shut up! Wait… what is she doing? Why is she getting a frying pan?

WHAM!

Ow! My head. She threw a frying pan at my head! So much for fast reflexes.

"Now, I'm going to go pick up some take out, since my cooking isn't up to your standards." she said while picking up her purse and walking out the door, shutting it behind her. Why do I suddenly fear for my life? I know! I'll buy life insurance through the interweb.

Name? It's Red Arrow NOT Speedy. Oh shit… wait. Wrong name. Let's start over… yeah that would be smart. My name is Roy William Harper Jr.

Age? Hmmm… I thought I was twenty three. Oh… wait! I am twenty three. God, what dumbass forgets how old he is! Wait… I do. Damn it!

Height? Six feet and one inch of perfection.

Weight? One hundred and eighty six pounds of _moi(*)_.

Eyes? Dazzling blue.

Hair? Radical red. Okay Roy, now your just playing with adjectives. Then again it's really fun.

Sex? Heh, heh. Hey, wifey? Cheshire! Here kitty kitty!? Jade!… Shit… I don't think they mean it like that. I must be the only idiot in the world to get confused by that question, and think the wrong thing. I'm a male. Well… umm… *cough, cough* Moving on…

Race? Caucasian. Then again I was raised by Navajo Indians. So… would that make me Indian? No, you dumbass! Indians are from India. What's the term then? … Oh, that's right! It's Native American. Am I a Native American? No, I wouldn't think so. *sad face*

Occupation? Um… yeah. About that. I kind of… got fired from my last job at that one convenience store. Apparently raising a kid is a lot harder than it sounds, and you don't get very much time to sleep. So, according to the store manager sleeping on the job is frowned upon. Oh, and I'm the masked vigilante Red Arrow.

Contact information? Roy Harper, that one cheep ass crappy downtown apartment, Star City, New York. Hey! That was the last question. _Great, _a whole page of yes or no questions.

Raised blood pressure? Not really sure on that one. I'm leaning more towards yes than no. I live with a crazy female assassin and a barley one year old child. I tend to get a little worked up every now and again. Especially when my wife yells at me for no apparent reason, and when the wife lets our daughter play with knives. KNIVES!

Diabetes? Nope to that one.

Obesity? Really? Me fat? Are you kidding me? About a few weeks ago my wife was complaining that I was to skinny(sometimes I think she only likes me for my muscles, and to play mind game with me). So how the hell can I go from insanely skinny to obese in just a few weeks?

Is your life at home or work stressful? YES, YES, YES! It is very stressful. Though it is getting less stressful as the days go on. Now that I'm not spending all of my time searching for the original Roy Harper anymore, I can relax more and spend time with my friends and family.

Have you ever smoked? Yes, I admit it.

Do you still smoke? Nope, the wife can be pretty persuasive and scary. I mainly did it for the sake of my daughter. I would give up anything for her. she is the only thing in the world that is really mine, and no one can take her away from me. Ok… well maybe Jade can but that's different, she is her mother after all. *looks over at Lian playing on the floor*

If you currently smoke, is giving up something you have ever considered? Uhh… do I just leave it blank.

Recent health concerns? I am currently married to an assassin. Nuff said.

Do you consume alcoholic beverages? Shit yeah, I do! Especially when me, Dick, and Wally get together. Oh, all the things that we do. I swear one of these days we're going to end up like those guys from 'The Hangover.' Oh God, I hope I'm not the one that gets fucked by a man. The horror! That could be Wally or Dick, just as long as its not me.

Are you currently taking any medications? Sir, no sir! I've been watching to many military movies.

Do you drive a vehicle? Yes! My crappy red Ford pick-up truck. Now, why the heck dose that make me think of that one Taylor Swift song?

Any allergies? Speedsters, bats, and trolls. That about just covers it. I really am deadly allergic to those things. Every time I'm around anyone of those things I always, somehow, end up in the hospital.

Reason for purchasing life insurance with us today? I insulted my wife's cooking skills, she threw a frying pan at my head, and now I fear for my life. I'm done. Badass!

How long dose it take to pick up food? Oh, well. I thought picking up Lian off the floor and laying her on my chest while I leaned back onto the couch. She was out almost instantly. I am kind of tired, and with that I followed Lian into dream land.

_"Chipmunk family reunion… Someone stole the nuts… Squirrel jail… Justice!"_

**A/N: Witch insurance company do you think he went with?**

**The whole tomato thing really happened with me and my dad, only difference is that he didn't throw a frying pan at me, it was a plastic spoon. He missed. Ha! Take that old man!**

**(*)Moi (Mwah): used by a speaker or writer to refer to himself or herself. French.**

**I'm pretty sure I could have made this funnier or better. I personaly don't think this is as good as the first two. Do you like it? Is it any good?**

**Help me! I really need some ideas on what to do for Aqualad. I will be using all the same questions as the others. Please PM me your ideas or leave them in a review.**

**With all that said…**

**REVIEW!**

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**CherryVanilla13**


	4. Red Hood

**A/N: Thank to a random stroke of inspiration I have decided to write another one of these. I was planning on doing one for Aqualad, but I just can't seem to think of anything for some reason. So no life insurance for Aqualad yet. Sorry! I'm not really sure when this takes place. So use your imagination. Slight references to Batman: Under The Red Hood.**

**Warning: Damn Jason and his potty mouth.**

**Disclaimer: Really?**

**Red Hood Buys Life Insurance**

God dammit! I'm so hungry, but I'm to lazy to get up and get something. Taking my phone off of the table I called one of my contacts I have on speed dial.

"Hey Jaybird! What's up?"

"I'm hungry, bring me something to eat."

"You couldn't call just to say 'hi' or anything."

"..."

"Fine, what do you want?"

"The usual."

"I'll be there in thirty minutes," he said. Then I hung up on him before he could continue talking. The guy could talk for hours if you'd let him. What am I supposed to do for thirty minutes? I started going through the letters I had received in the mail of the past week.

"Bill, bill, bill, bill, magazine, coupon book, postcard, another postcard, life insurance forums, bill... wait what?" I quickly went back to the insurance forums. Huh, life insurance. Never thought of getting that. I guess it could come in handy. I just found what I'm going to do for the next thirty minutes. I am going to fill out life insurance forums.

Name? Jason Peter Todd. Don't laugh! Oh, that's right. Make fun of the guy who's holding the AK-47. Give me a reason to shoot. Just one reason.

Age? Dose it really matter? Age is but a number. My ID says that I am twenty-two. Okay fine! That IDs a fake. So what? I'm only seventeen years old.

Height? Well I don't mean to brag or anything, but I am six feet even. Ha! Take that Goldie! I have you beat by a solid two inches.

Weight? I weigh two hundred and twenty-five pounds. I'm buff the stuff! And it's all thanks to my extremely rigorous work-out routine. Just take a look at this drool worthy body.

Eyes? The most beautiful shade of blue you will ever have the chance of seeing.

Hair? Black as night with streak of white in the front, and as soft as corn silk. Yeah, I'm one good looking dude.

Sex? I get plenty of it! This gorgeous god right here can get any girl he wants. Every good little girl loves a bad boy. Fuckin' shit!... I'm a male.

Race? Kiss me I'm Irish! *chuckles* Just kidding... I'm Caucasian.

Occupation? Gotham City's newest anti-hero and drug lord, the Red Hood. If any of my men try to sell our product to kids I won't hesitate to cap them right then and there.

Contact information? I would prefer to leave this one blank. Don't really want Daddy Dearest/The Big Bad Bat to find me, now do I? I'm better off withholding that information.

Raised blood pressure? You try running a drug operation and hiding from the Bats at the same time. Let me tell you It ain't a walk in the park.

Diabetes? Back when I was living at the manor, I think I had a chance of getting them. I mean Alfred's cookies and milkshakes are just to hard to resist.

Obesity? Nah, no chance of that here. I might weigh two hundred and twenty-five pounds, but that's all muscle not fat.

Is your life at home or work stressful? Nope. Not at all. Not one bit. Well, there are the disobedient dealers of mine, and then there's my 'family' being the little do-gooders that they are.

Have you ever smoked? Uh, duh.

Do you still smoke? Of course.

If you currently smoke, is giving up something you have ever considered? Not really. Okay yes I'm considering it. That's only to get Goldie of my back. He's always coming up to me ans saying that smoking is a health hazard, can cause skin cancer, and a bunch of other things that I tune out.

Recent health concerns? I just fuckin' came back from the dead. Of course I have health concerns. What if there is something missing or if something doesn't work properly anymore.

Do you consume alcoholic beverages? Yes. No! Maybe... I may or may not be working my way through a six pack and a bottle of Jack at the moment. Okay, fine! You got me. Yes, the answer is yes.

Are you currently taking any medications? Now why the fuck would I do that? I'm not, contrary to popular belief, crazy or anything.

Do you drive a vehicle? Hell yeah, I do. I love my motorcycle. It's the best motorcycle to have had ever been made.

Any allergies? Yeah, I'm allergic to green haired, white-faced, red lipped clowns in purple suits, crowbars, and that fuckin' giant Bat. Let us not forget about Goldie's hugs, every time I get one, which is almost every time he sees me, it feels like I can't breathe and might suffocate. Severe allergic reaction!

Reason for purchasing life insurance with us today? Now don't give me any strange looks. Believe me, I'll kill you if you do. I just came back from the dead. Ra's Al Ghul dumped me into one of his many hidden Lazarus Pits and brought me back to life. So just in case I were to get killed again, which I'm not 'cause I'll kill them first, I wanted to be prepared. Oh God! I sound as paranoid as the fucking Bat!

"Finally, after half an hour of filling out forums I'm done," I exclaimed as I leaned back on the couch.

"You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Goldie's voice came from the fire escape. I rolled my eyes at his smart remark. Why couldn't he ever just come in through the front door? That's what it's there for. He climbed in through the open window Carrying two bags and two large drinks from Sonic.

"Shut it, Goldie," I responded. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lighter from my jean's pocket. Pulling one out and sticking it in my mouth, I lit it up. Taking a large drag and exhaling slowly right into Goldie's face.

"Jaybird that stuff is bad for your health," he said while waving away the smoke and coughing a bit. " There's a chance you could develop skin cancer. You remember those pictures I showed you of that one man's lungs, right? You know the one that died? They were all black and nasty looking. Or you could wind up having to get a hole cut into you neck, like the man on the commercial," he rambled on. Taking the cigarette out of my mouth and I rolled it around in my fingers. Back and forth. With a sigh I snuffed it out in the ash try on the small table in front of me. He's still talking.

"Fine, Goldie! You win. I'm going to quit smoking. You happy now?" I moaned in defeat. I glared at him. Then my eyes widened almost comically. "Oh, no! No, no, no, no ,no!" He's got that look in his eyes. I know that look. I hate that look. "Goldie, no!" It's to late. He threw his arms around me in a great big bear hug. I can't breathe. I think I'm starting to suffocate. He's like a fucking anaconda. The more I try to pry him off of me, the tighter he holds on.

"See Jaybird. Was that so hard to do," he said with his arms still wrapped tightly around me.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Just give me my damn chili dog already," I grumbled out. Maybe that little gecko will show up and distract him. Goldie getting beat up by a gecko, now that I would pay to see, I thought as I took a bite out of my food. Damn, this is one really good chili dog.

**A/N: Yeah, that was a pretty crappy ending. Now I want a Cherry Sprite from Sonic now. Damn you Jason! So, let's get down to business. Was it awesome? Was it horrible? Was it good? Was it bad?Was it funny? Was it... not funny? Did it make you smile? Did it make you frown? Did it make you laugh? Did it make you cry in horror? What did you think? These are the questions that need answering.**

**Reviews make me happy and inspire me to write more. Who would like to see next? Any suggestions? I will be using all the same questions, just saying, incase anyone has some ideas.**

**Constructive Criticism!**

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**CherryVanilla13**


	5. Superboy

**Disclaimer: I plead the fifth.**

**Superboy Buys Life Insurance**

Conner was walking down the halls of Mount Justice heading toward the kitchen area. He was sorting through his mail. As he was entering the kitchen a letter caught his eye. Life insurance. _I'm indestructible, nothing can kill me, _he thought tossing the small stack of mail onto the counter top.

He sat on one of the bar stools and grabbed a cookie from the plate, that was placed off to the side. He then noticed a folded up piece of paper laying on the floor. He stood up from his seat and scooped up the paper.

Once standing upright, he leaned against the wall. He unfolded the paper, only to see that it was a list of sorts. Upon reading the title at the top of the page his eyes widened in shock.

He grabbed his stack of mail and headed to the couches. Dropping the letter onto the coffee table, he quickly read through the list. Once finished he set the list face down on the table, and leaned back against the couch. He opened one of the letters and picked up a pen. _Maybe having life insurance won't be such a bad thing after all, _he thought.

Name? My human name is Conner Kent, and my Krytonian name is Kon-El.

Age? Six. Wait no... I meant sixteen. No, twenty-two.

Height? Six feet and two inches.

Weight? two-hundred and eleven pounds.

Eyes? Blue.

Hair? Black.

Sex? Male.

Race? Half Kryptonian, half human. Caucasian, let's go with that.

Occupation? Uhhhh, student and crime fighter.

Contact information? Conner Kent, Ivy University.

Raised blood pressure? Kid Flash and Nightwing have always accused me of having rage issues. Black Canary has help me out a lot by teaching me how to channel my rage though.

Diabetes? Nope.

Obesity? No matter how much I eat I'll never gain weight.

Is your life at home or work stressful? .

Have you ever smoked? No. Lois did tell me that if she ever caught me or found out that I was smoking, she would do unspeakable things to me. *shiver*

Do you still smoke? No!

If you currently smoke, is giving up something you have ever considered? Gahh! I thought I already told you! I Do Not Smoke! Lois would KILL me!

Recent health concerns? None.

Do you consume alcoholic beverages? Even if I did, they would not have any type of affect on me.

Are you currently taking any medications? No need.

Do you drive a vehicle? I'm not really sure. Does Sphere even count as a vehicle? Maybe I should go and ask Nightwing about that.

Any allergies? Green Kryptonite, red Kryptonite, blue Kryptonite, black Kryptonite, gold Kryptonite. Let's just assume that Kryptonite comes in all different colors and I'm allergic to them all. ... ... ... And Lex Luthor.

Reason for purchasing life insurance with us today? I found a list... Nightwing's list from back when he was Robin... Before the team was ever formed... Kid Flash and Red Arrow probably had a part in it...

"Hey, Kon! What's up," Robin greeted. He jumped over the back of the couch, adjacent to Conner, and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

"Buying life insurance."

Robin made a confused face. "You're Superboy. Superman's clone. You're indestructible! Why would you need to buy life insurance," he questioned.

"Reasons," he grunted. He then picked up the life insurance papers and headed out of the room.

Robin then leaned forward to pick up the remote, when he noticed a paper that Conner had left behind. He picked it up and turned it over.

"Dammit, Dick," he muttered under his breath after he read the title that was written in blue marker. 105 Ways To Kill Superman.

**A/N: This was so easy to write. Lois Lane is a BAD ASS! I just had to say that. Oh yeah! Before I forget. I wanna write that list. You know... 105 Ways To Kill Superman. Buuuut, we can not post lists on here so I was thinking "why not post it on my profile?" Then I realized that I don't know a 105 ways to kill Superman. Sooo... I want y'all to send me your ideas for the list. The list will not be in any specific order. It will be on a first come first serve basis until we reach 105. You can send me your ideas in a review or PM them to me. Please keep in mind that the list was made before Superboy was created. Don't forget to tell me what you think of this new chapter. Sorry that it is not as long as the others.**

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**CherryVanilla13**


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